I almost felt sorry for That Person at the Dog Park Today

So much to write about, where to begin? Well, I almost pulled That Person onto the ground the other day when my leash got wound around Her legs and then along comes this dog...etc, etc. I have to start thinking about my high excitement level; but not today.

We went to the dog park today and there was that nice Lady With the Treats. You know, the treats from the last blog post that gave me diarrhea for two days--the treats, not the blog post you understand. Well there she--The Lady-- was, back with the treats. Naturally, as soon as I saw her I was right there, jumping high into the air right in front of her and on her too. Out of the corner of my eye I saw That Person coming over to try and stop me. The Lady with the Treats tried to stop That Person from correcting me. She told That Person:"Your dog is afraid of you." and, "All Frankie needs is a little more training." That Person watched me jump up high into the air, over and over, at The Lady with the Treats. Finally That Person told her: "She's all yours." and went back to the bench--the nice seat under the umbrella. So I jumped in the air, was told to sit, sat, got the treat, jumped in the air, told to sit, sat, got treat....over and over and over. You see, if I just sat there I wasn't going to get a treat for just sitting around there all day. So I had to first misbehave, then behave, get the treat and so on. The Lady with the Treats got tired of it after a while and walked off. I followed her, jumping and sitting and getting treats all over the park until The Lady with the Treats left.

A big difference this time was that That Person wasn't upset like last time. She decided that either it was funny, or else she could ask The Lady with the Treats not to feed me because it gives me diarrhea. Dogs don't 'feel sorry' for people, other dogs or ourselves. But I swear I almost felt sorry for That Person the other day when that bunch ganged up on her. Maybe they were trying to be nice then, but now they had a point to prove about the whole situation. That Person has no intention of getting into it with the Lady with the Treats. So we came home and I had diarrhea all over the porch just as That Person was getting ready to sit out there with her iced caffeine beverage. I wasn't so happy about it. Maybe I have to re-think the treats. Fat Chance!

A rather nice thing happened at the park today. A woman came in with a small pug. Small pug, ha. That's like saying 'large giant'. Anyway the woman was fearful because her dog, Thuco..something like that..had been bitten once. The pug was not overly fearful, but interested. It seemed a shame he didn't get a chance to check out all of us swell characters. But then That Person told the woman that her pug looked interested. Tucker's person had a great idea. The woman and the pug would go into the puppy area and we'd send in a couple laid back dogs to try it out. It was great. I can't believe I wasn't chosen to go.

By the way, That Person left her Tricycle Community blog page open so I took the opportunity of speaking to a wider group of people.  In that blog I explain about my energy-activated software and why I call That Person That Person. (Its the Third Person Sarcastic)
http://community.tricycle.com/profile/JeanneLafferty

That Person Has Her Gums All Swollen and It's Driving Me to Distraction

I was such a cute pup

What a day. I'm asking you. No, I'm telling you. That Person is so miserable (what else is new?) that she's sitting on the porch drinking that whiskey that she --she says--can't drink anymore. All day long it's with the warm salt water and the gum massager and the percocet which she shouldn't--she says--take with the whiskey. And then with the swollen gums and all, some pedestrian went all batshit crazy on her for something that her friends say could have happened to anyone. So then she gets all weird at the dog park and runs around trying to stop me from jumping up on people and all because a couple of times I got kicked at the park, which upset her more than it did me. And sometimes people yell at her because I try to play with their tiny little puppies that they bring into the big park instead of the puppy area.. They do this because they don't want to think their dog inferior. There is a lot of this thing that people do--mostly with their kids--of thinking that their dog, or their kid is all about them. I will say that That Person doesn't do that. It's about the only thing she gets right. So anyway she's all over me about my behavior and then this woman shows up with that small dog and right away this woman is pulling me off her dog, metaphorically, before I even get close to her dog. And that person, in a hideous moment of betrayal--starts acting like I'm the problem. So you get an idea of how bad things were out there today.

Next she's chasing me all about in the park to stop jumping, something I don't really do a lot, and some well-meaning people get upset with her because she's pointing that cane at me and yelling at me to "Get Off!" You can only imagine my glee. They ask her why she has that cane, as if she's planning to hit me with it. Maybe they are thinking of reporting her to PETER, the animal rights people.

But no. They are actually trying to help That Person. The nice people are explaining that yelling is not the way to get me to behave--something that person already knows but she's lost it by now. They are going to show her how to use treats to get me to behave. That person has no heart in her anymore and is at a loss to explain that I am not just a high-energy dog, that I am a dog that becomes fixated. So there they are, the nice people, out in the middle of the park, doling out treats and saying that their dog's diet is made up about half with all these treats. Right then I was ready to go home with them. They were showing That Person how nicely I can sit for a treat. The old positive re-inforcement, incentive thing. One thing I know is That Person knows exactly how long I can sit for, never mind a treat, my own boring dinner.

I sat and got a treat. Then I didn't sit. Then I sat and got a treat. Then I didn't sit. This went on for a wonderful long time and man, it was great. Then the nice lady who was holding the bag of treats behind her back tried to tell me there were no more treats. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you cannot lie to a dog.You can do things right, you can do things wrong, but you cannot lie to a dog.

Today at the Dog Park Was So Great

Man I just had to tell about this! Some nice woman came into my dog park with a little 4 month old Jack Russell named Pedar, like Peter in Irish. And it was so cool because I jumped all over the wee fellow. But even better, the woman had a plastic shopping bag with treats in her jacket pocket and I just swooped over and nicked the whole lot. That person was yelling and waving her cane while I ate the whole thing. The nice woman said it was okay and she was only worried I would eat the bag. That person was hoping I would eat the bag or accidently pull it over my head and....so long Airedale Criminal. I prevailed, as I always do.

There's Just No End To It, Is There?

Scentless Buddha

That Person is watching something about a Swedish detective--Wallender or whatever, which is weird because she already read all the books. I thought I'd take this chance to complain. Don't get me wrong--I have a very sunny disposition, really I do. Anyway a few days ago a bunch of Persons from this building got themselves out into what was a perfectly fine yard and began to do horrible things to it. It's called "fixing up the yard". All those lovely patches of mud, gone! Instead there are cedar chips everywhere around the edges and I can tell you they make you awfully sick after you eat enough of them. I'm not allowed in the middle of the yard because of "the grass". Birds and squirrels are allowed, yes. NO AIREDALES!

But I digress: the picture here is something That Person apparently paid good money for. Let me tell you, I was terrified. It sits there chuckling at me, and again, no scent. How much of this world is made up of totally fake stuff? I am so depressed I can hardly bring myself to poop out there anymore. That Person gets all bent out when I take forever in the morning before she's had that beverage. Then she starts going on and on about how when she has to go she just goes and how she doesn't need to eat a pound of cedar chips first (all this is taking place inside her head--but I can hear it). Speaking of those wood chips, I don't really eat all that much. Sometimes I get to gagging and hurking about in the kitchen so she thinks it's all my fault. I think it's that same old food she gives me everyday, except sometimes when there's cottage cheese.

Well, thanks for listening. She's all engrossed in Wallender. She likes the way it was filmed (I wouldn't know about that) and how great the soundtrack is (not a bad soundtrack: reminds a bit of Philip Glass my favorite) and how Kenneth Branagh is all that.

When A Dog is Betrayed

On my Frankie T Wallace Profile Page, I wrote, quite masterfully, I thought, of the role of scent in a dog's life vs the use of words by Those People. However, once in a while a mysterious situation arises. It is that kind of situation that I wish to address here. In the picture, upper left, you will see a picture of a perfectly fine looking beagle. Fine looking I say, not fine smelling, nay, not smelling at all. And soundless to boot. All in all a seemingly fine figure of a beagle. Perhaps too fine a figure, for it would come to pass that this is, verily naught but a figure of a beagle.  And to that I say: "go figure!" I came upon this fellow, or rather, this object quite by chance upon the bed of That Person yesterday afternoon. I at once commenced upon barking and carvorting about in my usual way. That Person held up said beagle in such a way as to allow me to get a good scent in the hind quarters. I was stunned. There was no scent at all where all those ripe glands would  normally reside to tell me all I needed to know about this "beagle". But Let me say for the sake of precision in reporting that there wasn't exactly no scent at all, but rather something worse-- a synthetic scent, some man-made concotion.--and where there should have been flesh there was merely cloth. Of course this did not quiet me down for a moment. My frantic barking transmogrified from perfectly normal dog-in-the-area alert noises into weird-thing-in the area notifications. Suddenly the phantom doggish thing was whipped out of my sight and not seen again. I did manage to get a quick snapshot of the offender on That Person's cell phone.

I Was So Humiliated

Get this!. Today! We're on our way to the dog park, in that car of hers when I see another dog in the car next to us at the stop light. Naturally I start up barking in that crazy way I have of putting another dog on notice that I'm here. The person driving the other car turns to take a look--strangely her dog seems to disappear at this point. Sure, I'm confused but I keep on a barking. That person rolls down the window and tells the other driver that I think her ponytail is another dog! Not only don't I know what this means, but the other driver starts laughing. The light changes and both cars drive away, both drivers laughing. Here I am in the picture above, stewing in my own humiliation, still ignorant of what happened earlier.

What is a "ponytail" anyway?