Sunday, May 16, 2010

That Person Has Her Gums All Swollen and It's Driving Me to Distraction

I was such a cute pup
What a day. I'm asking you. No, I'm telling you. That Person is so miserable (what else is new?) that she's sitting on the porch drinking that whiskey that she --she says--can't drink anymore. All day long it's with the warm salt water and the gum massager and the percocet which she shouldn't--she says--take with the whiskey. And then with the swollen gums and all, some pedestrian went all batshit crazy on her for something that her friends say could have happened to anyone. So then she gets all weird at the dog park and runs around trying to stop me from jumping up on people and all because a couple of times I got kicked at the park, which upset her more than it did me. And sometimes people yell at her because I try to play with their tiny little puppies that they bring into the big park instead of the puppy area.. They do this because they don't want to think their dog inferior. There is a lot of this thing that people do--mostly with their kids--of thinking that their dog, or their kid is all about them. I will say that That Person doesn't do that. It's about the only thing she gets right. So anyway she's all over me about my behavior and then this woman shows up with that small dog and right away this woman is pulling me off her dog, metaphorically, before I even get close to her dog. And that person, in a hideous moment of betrayal--starts acting like I'm the problem. So you get an idea of how bad things were out there today.

Next she's chasing me all about in the park to stop jumping, something I don't really do a lot, and some well-meaning people get upset with her because she's pointing that cane at me and yelling at me to "Get Off!" You can only imagine my glee. They ask her why she has that cane, as if she's planning to hit me with it. Maybe they are thinking of reporting her to PETER, the animal rights people.

But no. They are actually trying to help That Person. The nice people are explaining that yelling is not the way to get me to behave--something that person already knows but she's lost it by now. They are going to show her how to use treats to get me to behave. That person has no heart in her anymore and is at a loss to explain that I am not just a high-energy dog, that I am a dog that becomes fixated. So there they are, the nice people, out in the middle of the park, doling out treats and saying that their dog's diet is made up about half with all these treats. Right then I was ready to go home with them. They were showing That Person how nicely I can sit for a treat. The old positive re-inforcement, incentive thing. One thing I know is That Person knows exactly how long I can sit for, never mind a treat, my own boring dinner.

I sat and got a treat. Then I didn't sit. Then I sat and got a treat. Then I didn't sit. This went on for a wonderful long time and man, it was great. Then the nice lady who was holding the bag of treats behind her back tried to tell me there were no more treats. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you cannot lie to a dog.You can do things right, you can do things wrong, but you cannot lie to a dog.

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