That Person Says I Wear Too Much Eye Make-up

It's always something with Her. You know the kind. Well, honestly, I don't even think I'm wearing eye make-up at all, unless it was She who put it on me, and I wouldn't put it past Her!

I am a magnificent creature who needs no artificial enhancements. I have many admirers at the Dog Park. Take, for example, that little fellow, Finnegan, who came in today. He made a bee-line for me. That Person liked him, and his name. She started singing in Her head about some Tim Finnegan who carried a hod and fell to his death. Something about a Biddy McGee and whirl your whiskey around like blazes and on and on. Honestly, I think the inside of That Person's head is like a rotten cantaloupe. I know because we had one of those in the kitchen and every fruit fly in Massachusetts....oh it was not good!
Love,
Frankie T Wallace, the Airedale Criminal (Merrylegs)

Not a Spaceship! Worse, Much Worse!!!!

Okay, here it is: you will remember the spaceship from the previous post. Adding picture below for memory-aid. Now, I'm in the yard with That Person who is talking to the downstairs neighbors who I thought were my friends. Turns out not. The erstwhile spaceship is no such thing. It's an item being stored in the yard after being used as a--wait for it!--Barbeque Grill, on which an entire lamb was roasted at the restaurant where Emily downstairs works. Imagine how my relief turned to horror as the full implications of this dawned on me. I did some research using my energy-activated software and found out some more-than-disturbing facts. I am currently in hiding with That Person's laptop.

Space Ship Lands in Hampshire Street Backyard with Aliens on Board

Was I frightened? Out of my considerable wits! Now you know I'm not one to own up to my frailties, but this one threw me for nine loops to Sunday, or something. You see the pictures. Can you honestly say that this is not everybody's worst nightmare? Sure, in the movies you usually see the thing hovering in the night sky, lights flashing, as it slowly, slowly lowers itself down into the center of some cornfield in Nebraska. But this, alas, was no sci-fi movie. This was the real deal. At least I thought so. And in case you're thinking I'm one of those who believes they've been abducted by aliens etc etc, think again. (That Person read a book about it and it turns out those people may not be crazy after all and that it, the abduction, didn't really happen either. Some kind of neurological disturbance. Cool!)

But back to my story. There we were, out for a bit of relief in the yard when suddenly..BAM! Up zooms (well, okay, it was just sitting there) this hideous once-flying machine now 'living the life' right on the spot where I squat. I mean with air slits or maybe they're escape hatches. Chains hanging off the thing. Handles even for ease of opening the hatches and taking young Airedales back to Planet Freakout. Like a bucking Bronco I was. Came close to bringing That Person down on the ground (not all that hard to do, actually). Let me just say that it took four trips to the yard and absolutely hours for That Person to get me to do my late night business.

My next post will deal with the following morning and afternoon, where you will learn that That Person has no mercy, not even one mercy or one half of one.

Oh The Dog Park Was Such a Trial Today

Well, to start with, after sitting and waiting, and sitting and waiting at all the gates (I think there are at least 40 of them) I finally enter the park with That Person. I have to sit and wait to get let off the leash. Man, I am so good, really good. I even pretend not to be excited. Lots of cool dogs come to sniff me. She lets me go, but before I 'go', up comes this character and picks a big old fight with me. Let me tell you, I don't hardly ever pick a fight (well there were those two times when I thought those Yorkies on a leash were prey!) but I don't just stand there for it either. No sir. The person of that other dog, instead of correcting him, took him off and gave him a lecture. Ha ha. Blah, blah, blah Ginger, blah, blah blah. This is in reference to the excellent Far Side cartoon What we say to dogs, what dogs hear. So anyway, That Person keeps me leashed for all round safety reasons. I'm not terribly happy about it but for once She's not all off the charts on it. Finally I'm allowed to go and so's that other character who comes right on over and tries to start up with me again. But That Person has a hold of my collar now and nothing comes of it. When this uppity character is finally taken away by his person I'm let go for real. Some nice lady tells That Person that this other dog has been acting all bad for a while.
That Person is figuring out that it's a holiday crowd at the park. Not the regulars. Some of my old favorites have stopped coming often, anyway. Sad. Things are going a bit downhill--metaphorically-- over at Danehy. Couple a weeks ago some dogs started digging right in the middle of the dog area. Their people just stood around next to them, not even stopping them, and then they left without filling in the hole. I'm not very interested in digging (unless there's something tasty down there) so no big deal for me to be a model of good behavior on this score. Today some dog started digging like fury next to one of the trees. Same deal. No people batted any eyes.
Then some woman had her nose in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and was eating peanuts from a very flimsy plastic bag. If you follow this blog you know what I can do with a situation like that. It's my famous teeny-tiny front teeth that can take a thing right out of your hand without you knowing anything even happened. That Person was all over it, standing in front of the mystery-reading peanut-eater and pointing at me if even the glimmer of an idea as outlined above came over me. There were several such glimmers. I can tell that people think She's harsh with me. That's because they don't do much of anything with their dogs by way of correction or learning. Learning is a pain in the butt, but also good because you get skills. these skills are their own reward (you can show off all over the place) and they also get you into places that otherwise might give you the proverbial boot
Another thing was that someone left a large plastic bottle right out in the dog area. There were also two take-out plastic cups with straws stuck in them and some interesting liquid at the bottom. These were left on the people-benches. That person was silently crabbing away inside about it all.


Then this other little character comes up and snaps at me. More than once. His person, instead of giving a correction, used her people-voice (mildly chiding) and then petted the poor little fellow who will never, I promise you, learn a thing that way.

There were plenty of dogs today, but none who were interested in playing with this writer. Finally I found a guy that I jollied into playing with me. I think I might have been the one to teach him how to play. I had to get into the submissive position right away to show him how. We had a pretty good time and we went on for about forever. Before leaving, That Person (who thinks she's the world's best ever) filled in the hole around the tree

In my next post I will tell you about the horror in the back yard. You will be strictly on the edge of your seat for the outcome!


Love,
Frankie

That Person Thinks She's So Funny

So the good news is I got to spend oh-so-much time with the beautiful Matt who was kind enough to bring over his lactose-toleration pills. And it was a brand new bottle, still in the cardboard box. And, because Matt is such a good friend of mine he left this bottle in his messenger bag right on the floor. I know I don't need to tell you what happened. But I will anyway. I nicked the whole thing, box, bottle pills and all and raced down to the backyard to get to work right away on the whole thing. I am not a one for procrastination! Well! That Person went down to the yard later and found the empty, crunched-up bottle. Then She found the shredded bits of cardboard box. You could just see the wheels turning--and that's what She's got up there, wheels, I'm sure--and the look on Her face. Oh it was a rare moment for this writer. She didn't even bother to look around the yard for further evidence, but came right upstairs and called up the vet.

When the vet receptionist picked up, That Person says--get this--"Is there a dog heaven where dogs go when they die?"

There was this long silence on the other end of the line. The poor receptionist finally said, "Huh?" That Person was laughing into her shirt. So they went to get the vet who, believe you me, does not want to see this Airedale in the office again. The vet said it's probably just fine. That Person said she'd have to make a point of putting the more toxic medicine's on a lower shelf. The receptionist didn't even  notice.

That Person thinks she is just so damned funny.

Truth be told, I didn't eat any of those old pills. They were nasty, and this from one who will eat anything. The box was pretty good, though.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?

Philip Glass

This is supposed to be funny or something?  I simply have to bark and bark until That Person plays Philip Glass for me. And people make fun of his music?
I honestly NEVER!

This picture is from his website: http://www.philipglass.com/  That Person finally got down to ordering more music by, sigh, Philip Glass.

Well!

I finally got my Google I.D. My energy-activated software was upgraded recently and I was first in line to sign up. Now I can post to my own blog as myself and not as That Person. Speaking of That Person, She never, ever goes out of the house except to mail Her Netflix. I have to run on the treadmill because it's too, too hot out there for Her. All she does is sit at that computer all day (preventing me from posting to my blog) working on some website for work and how to optimize graphics for the web and who cares!

Anyway, I put up a nice picture of myself (are there any not nice pictures of me?--on my gmail account and I'm all good. Speaking of good, That Person is so fat she had to go join up at Weight Watchers yesterday and now I get all the skin and the dark meat off the roasted chicken. I spend a lot time sitting next to the fridge in case She has to throw out some foods that have too many points or something. So little comes my way these days because She says I don't get as much exercise. Ha! how would you like to have to run on a treadmill at four miles per hour. Then I have to walk and jump this obstacle course that She set up around the house. By now I can do it in my sleep, really. I know because I dreamt about it last night. There was a huge piece of chicken skin, maybe from the entire chicken, dangling in front of me at the end as my reward. In reality alls I get is a cookie. Cookies are nice too.